I break into heterosexual houses so I can masturbate in their heterosexual kitchens

Joey Comeau
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More Quotes By Joey Comeau
  1. I can't believe he stabbed the guy. Eight years old. I'm the most irresponsible kidnapper ever.

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  3. Wait, " I say. "Aren't soulmates supposed to be perfect? What if you find yours and shes not a virgin, not even a girl? What if he's a fixer upper? What if he has an STD?

  4. Having all the answers just means you've been asking boring questions.

  5. It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw.

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